Getting Ready

Well, I am getting ready for the next round of chemo. I admit that I am feeling pretty well today.  The mouth sores are almost gone and my headache seems better each day.  Four days ago I had blood work done indicating that I had virtually no white blood cells which is why I have had such a hard time lately.  I suppose that they will be just high enough for another dose of chemo on Monday.  They are going to give me the bone marrow support this time to help me get through it.  I have just enough time left in the day for a walk before bed time. I better get to it.

If Only

If only, I was worried about how to spend my holiday weekend. If only, I was not sad that I can’t really  play with my children the way I would like to.  If only, I could take my children on vacation. If only, I was not the one with cancer. 

Unhappy

I’m pretty unhappy. I do not like taxol at all. My mouth is killing me. It hurts to eat. It hurts to talk. It hurts to brush my teeth. It hurts to smile. When will this get better? Just in time for another infusion?  Great.

Cheated

I feel cheated. I really don’t like the taxol. I still have leg and joint pain. It is better but it is still there. I feel like I am 80 years old. The taxol has also destroyed my mouth. My mouth is sore and nothing tastes good. It makes me mad that they told me this would be easier than AC.  Movement does seem to help with the leg pain so I have been walking and biking. Today I even ran a mile chanting “mind over  matter” to ignore the pain.

I’m tired now.

 

 

 

Strength

Where do people find their strength? I don’t have mine today. The joint and leg pain is not good. I’d rather feel sick to my stomach than have pain. Well, maybe not. Maybe I just feel that way now because of the pain. I also feel let-down. They led me to believe this would be easier. It is not. I feel my negative mood. I feel like quitting. I don’t want to do this anymore.  Maybe tomorrow will be different.

Not Bad

So today is usually my bad day following chemo. The TH is certainly not as bad as the AC. I am pretty tired, I admit that. I did take some anti-nausea medication because my stomach did feel strange. I took a nap and now I am thinking about doing some work. I can tell that I have had chemo due to the changes in my mouth…yuck. But otherwise I’m hanging on.